Life's garden

I was reflecting on a visit to Victoria, Canada at the onset of my marriage. It was a time of naivety and adventure as our lives were just beginning. We were able to go to Buschart Gardens and what an amazing place. We hit it before the blooming season so we anticipated some disappointment in not having all the foliage in bloom. We were wrong. What struck me so poignantly was the different varieties of flowers, plants, bushes....there were too many to count and each was in perfect form. The striking colors and contours of each shape were awe inspiring.., breathtaking. I have a particular love of roses. They have an exquisite form and the scent brings me instant joy that permeates my being. I found my loyalty waning as I was bombarded with lilies, Camellia's, Rhododendrons, and the like with their equally alluring scents and fascinating petal formation. So I am an allegory kind of girl. If I liken this experience to the people I see everyday I become just as inspired. What would happen if we took off the category glasses and viewed the people we see as the amazing acts of creation they are. Each in their own sphere, distinct and original. Never a repeat. I have had many a conversation with a particular person about the nature of humans and their worth. We never agree as she contends that beauty is the only standard which people should live by and those who do not meet the standard are not happy contented individuals. This opinion states that without the standard of beauty (which is obviously  perception based) your sense of well being is threatened. I contest that it is just the opposite. I came to this resolution after considering the opposite view and then embarking on a cruise with my husband. I noticed that we were accompanied by two thousand other guests (give or take) and I resolved to observe for the next 4 days we traveled together. Ironically my first inclination was to see how many were actually attractive based on just appearance and the given standard of "magazine" beauty. It was not too far in that I realized most of the passengers would be stuck in the unattractive or even ugly section of humanity. I then noticed that there was a wide range of emotion among these unattractive people, but most appeared to be genuinely enjoying themselves. Now I realize that I can not make a happiness call on 4 days of non interactive observation but body language seemed to be the affirmative for positive uplifted attitudes and a general well being. I also perceived that these individuals must be on some scale of success to be able to afford such a venture. So all together I witnessed happy, successful unattractive people having a great time. This was a great victory for me as I had been contesting this to be a fact for a long time. I then widened my scope and thought about the people who actually run those magazines and fashion industries. Have you taken a look at Vera Wang, or Donald Trump, or even the writers they feature in the fashion magazines?  They are far from the people they shove in our faces or flash down the run-ways. Interesting to think that maybe they have an agenda to increase self doubt and insecurity in others.Maybe the whole point is to make us all sniveling self absorbed, self depreciating, insecure, panic driven consumers who really believe that if we don't look, act or do what their magazine espouses then we will be the shell of the person we could be.  What a crazy lie.

Look 'em in the eye!

So I look you in the eye and have the entire conversation without looking away. What does that mean? I am not afraid. I don't have anything to hide and you should feel safe with me. Well that is how I project the action but I have looked into the eye of a snake that is trying to keep his fangs in me while luring me to a destructive place. I guess it could mean whatever you want it to mean. I teach my kids to look people in the eye because I think it keep the playing field level. People tend to take you more serious and feel the confidence you exude. It is usually  a power booster. They say the eyes are the doorway to the soul. Well take a look and come on in for all I care.There's nothing but me all the way through.

Are you a "Life Boat Person"?

Consider this.....if your personality makes you more beautiful it can also suck the pretty right off your face. I know several outwardly beautiful people that after you start talking to them  everything crashes and burns. Someone told me once that you are either a "life boat person" or not. I inquired into her meaning and she explained....."If you're sitting in a life boat are the people around you going to ensure your safety or their own?" That gave me pause. Am I a life boat person? Are you? When you are in a group of people do you consider their comfort and allow courtsey for their feelings? When you see someone fall down do you immediately reach out and offer help? If someone you don't know is crying do you put an arm around and stand with them? This one is the clencher....when adjusting your seat on an airplane do you look back to make sure you aren't inconveniencing the person behind you? These things make you less or more beautiful in the world. People don't know that beauty is what they are witnessing because the sick and twisted world of superficiality has trained us like Pavlovian dogs to equate beauty with an outward appearance. There is a learned up and down take just as a person approaches, and judgement immediately ensues. Could we take a little more time and maybe get words in.....maybe converse.  I love starting conversations with anyone I happen to sit next to. My husband has finally stopped asking how I know the person because I usually don't. I am never disappointed and always pleasantly surprised at the amazing people in all types of clothes, shapes, sizes, and the like. I can not say that I am not taken in by the same Pavlovian conditioning as sometimes I find myself wondering "Did you look in the mirror before exiting the building?" However even if that same belly pierced, rolls hanging over, thong revealing, worthy of the Walmart Hall of Shame person was sitting next to me I would start the conversation. I don't think it hurts to talk and let the conditioning start to change to open wonder of how different and wonderful we all are.

Been thinking about what it means to be beautiful.  There are obviously may interpretations and perceptions. Have you ever looked at a person and uttered an exclamation of beauty only to have the person next to you screw their face up in horror and ask you "WHAT?" The proof is in the pudding. We all see things differently.  Maybe your preference is in hair color, skin color, short, tall, full figured, slim, muscle, etc... There is one fact that does not depend on perception. When you get to know a person and they are so fantastic that you count yourself lucky to know them, they become more beautiful. The more you are around them this quality increases and you can't help but think "Wow, what a beautiful person!" Literally their eyes shine brighter, their smile gleams, and you just feel warm when ever they are present.  It's funny to think that these quality and occurances can't be captured in a magazine. They are ethereal. Intangible.