Mother's Day

Mother's Day has come and gone and I reflect on an interesting weekend. Of course I went to see my mother and spent the weekend chatting and eating. I also dropped my children by my mother-in-laws because it has been a long time since she has seen them. This of course is not of my doing but rather a fault of their father who only visits when the kids are in school. My mother-in-law and I have had quite the relationship spanning 19 years of marriage and many run ins of the escalated sort. She loved me in the beginning but, as many find, I come with both sides of the coin. She decided my bad was not enough to trump my good and has spent the last 19 years trying to hate me. I say trying because she often fails as her assumption that my bad trumps my good is flawed. She has been effectively abandoned by all but one of her 5 children for reasons I am not informed as I have a closer relationship with the clerk at Walmart than my in laws. In the past 12 years whenever she needed someone to clean her house after a debilitating accident it was I that lent the hand. When she fell apart from the loneliness and couldn't handle the strain I was the one she came to stay with to handle her grief. It was I who invited her to my family Christmas party because her own had overlooked her. I could tell of the countless efforts by me and my family to include her despite her insistence on speaking unkindly to others on our behalf. For the most part I simply set aside my feelings of frustration and tell myself she is old and feeble so I must care for her because no one else will. This last encounter was a straw that severed my spine. After a heated discussion that led to her disparaging my mother on an epic level I told her to leave and she promptly backhanded my face. I think it was a long time coming but because I have never raised my voice to her before or been disrespectful she never had the opportunity (though I surmise by the gusto with which she delivered the blow she had been fantasizing). I promptly called the police and documented her crazy gesture for future security. I told my husband that she would not be allowed back into my house and that was that. Since then she has called and made a feeble attempt at reconciliation (though no apology was issued) and I assured her that she would be able to see her grandchildren but I wanted nothing to do with her. She launched a never before seen campaign against me pelting my husband with reasons that he should divorce me and accosting anyone who would listen with tales of my evilness. To this I still showed up with her grandchildren to spend the night with her and even presented her with a present that I myself created. I was finally able to enter her house as previously I just couldn't bring myself to see her face. I found it funny that I felt nothing for her. I believe in being courteous even when you don't like someone. I believe in treating people with respect even when they don't deserve it. I also believe that after you cross me enough the feelings of affection are effectively squelched and are unlikely to return. Until she passes I will continue to respectfully take her grandchildren to see her. I will honor her birthday, Mother's Day, Christmas with the necessary tokens. I will give her the respect an old person deserves no matter how cantankerous but I will not mourn her when she leaves. I am not a pretender.