A day in the life...: O life lived....

A day in the life...: O life lived....:  This season crept up so quickly like a thief in the night, yet it was the smoothest Christmas season I have experienced. There seemed to be...

O life lived....

 This season crept up so quickly like a thief in the night, yet it was the smoothest Christmas season I have experienced. There seemed to be a feeling of ease and lack of rush that I have not sensed maybe ever. It could have been that it was easier or maybe I was overshadowed by a death. I recently attended the funeral of a beloved influence in my life. They say we are influenced everyday by even the stranger we acquaint ourselves with, and so I must believe that those placed in our lives from the beginning hold even stronger sway. So it was with Sheila. I lived close to Sister Larsen all my life and our lives connected through church and children my age. Our families were not close but our lives intersected all through my formative years and into my adulthood. Her daughter and I were dear friends and I spent time in their home learning. It was not intentional learning but the kind that occurs while people are unaware. The kind that makes a mind decide things like living a life of good choices will give you peace. That is what I learned from this woman. Good choices bring peace. She lived her life that way. Don't misunderstand... neither Sheila nor myself have lived without pain, disappointment, trial or challenge, but the secret she imparted to me was that you can be happy in spite of those things. You can overcome the frustration and anger. You can surmount the pain and challenge which will open your eyes to the other things happening all around. There was never a time that I didn't encounter this woman without a genuine smile on her face. A smile that said she was completely interested in where and how I had been. Sometimes I was a little taken back at the ability she had to care about me, a person who was not within her daily events, yet she was invested. I never left her without feeling better about myself or the world in general. Sheila had a way of making a difference in the most important way.....person by person. It's a common misconception that to change the world one must create a monumental shift that veers an entire society into another direction. There are many people who have attempted and successfully accomplished this throughout history for good and ill, but then there are the Socrates of the world. The people who created shifts with small questions or insightful behavior on an individual basis which shifted a mind..... a single mind. One person who in the intricate web of their life went on to impart that shift to each and every person they came in contact. Both Socrates and Sheila made people think a little deeper and ask hard questions of themselves. This was what caused the shift. So maybe the trick isn't monumental change but leaving each person a little better for knowing you. Maybe it's not a trick at all but a creed that everyone should strive to live by. Remember that no one leaves you untouched. The influence from the smallest encounter changes us and so maybe this season wasn't easy. Maybe I just put things into perspective and so I owe another debt of gratitude to a woman who once again influenced me for good. Thank you Sheila for a life well lived.    

A day in the life...: The Last in the Nest

A day in the life...: The Last in the Nest: There has been a monumental shift in the dynamic of the Mele family. My daughter, the baby, turned 12 years old. This insidious year crept u...

A day in the life...: In death I knew you

A day in the life...: In death I knew you: I recently learned of the death of a friend. She was a friend I knew from long ago but reconnected through Facebook. Our correspondence was ...

A day in the life...: Living in the gutter

A day in the life...: Living in the gutter: Has anyone else noticed the masses of people screaming at the top of their lungs for change? I am assuming they are calling for the change t...

Living in the gutter

Has anyone else noticed the masses of people screaming at the top of their lungs for change? I am assuming they are calling for the change that betters the world and if you were thinking the same then we are both naïve fools. Don't get me wrong, they want the world better in most instances but the method of operations is the downfall. Recently I was scrolling through my Facebook page and came upon a video depicting little girls with potty mouths. I would love to discuss the purpose of the video as their guttural language was not the point, but sadly I couldn't even finish watching the video. Even more sad is that the point was missed (which my colleague sarcastically pointed out) as boards were filled with outrage at the use of children to proliferate information in such an offensive way. Unfortunately he stands with the group of people that espouse the idea that getting attention drawn to issues must be done with shock and horror to get anything accomplished.
It is human instinct to push back. If someone pushes up against you reflexively you push back. This is not only found in physical interaction but language as well. Take the scenario of a large group of people gathered for a meeting. As they mill about there is conversing and socializing that sometimes is difficult to reign in due to sound. The person at the front of the room takes to the podium and tries to get their attention by calling out. A few people take their seats and look forward. Still the room is too loud and the podium calls out again "Ladies and gentlemen, take your seats please". This is only partly effective as most of the room still cannot hear. There are 2 options. Scream out "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" or have someone create a non violent distraction such as flipping the light switch or blowing a whistle. You noticed I said "non violent"? The first option is a violent use of the language to achieve silence. "How?" you might ask? Well let us view the reaction. People immediately flinch and turn toward the podium. Some start to take their seats while others remain standing shocked at the address. Both groups are in fight stance as they have just been challenged. This is no different than calling out an obscenity about "Yo mamma". The reaction is the same, shock and anger. All brain activity has been halted in an effort to decide how to react. Some are vocal enough to state their dismay while others have now decided that they are not staying. They stand to leave and a new sound emerges from the crowd. Outrage. All efforts to get quiet are lost and the group is louder than before the issue was stated.
Option #2 yields quite a different result. With the flip of the switch or blow of the whistle people are now turning their attention to the source in an effort to see what is happening. Anger and outrage are absent because people are curious at the turn of events. They are actually very open to the podium and many even start shushing their fellow attendees. Several are now seated and as the podium begins to speak the rest take their seats with attention focused forward. Quite a different outcome and the people are actually ready to receive information rather than mulling over what they will be reporting to their superiors about the abrupt command issued for those who even bothered to stay for the meeting. So it is with this ad. So it is it seems with the group of people who think that this form of communication aids their cause or brings about any kind of positive change. In math we learn that 2 positives yield a positive while a positive and negative always yield a negative. I can understand the feeling of frustration in this world where people seem to be at odds in every direction. Even our own government is stalemating because communication has been denigrated. There is a desire to bring to light relevant issues that need attention and fixing but methods matter. The method here did not bring about the desired attention to necessary issues but rather an outrage which lost many valid peoples attention who might have served the cause effectively.
Even more disturbing was the idea that using small children would somehow get a positive result. This has been a prevailing idea for the past while and one that needs immediate attention as the issues it creates are pressing. Through these efforts we are teaching are children that only by throwing a tantrum  with every uncontrolled human emotion can you get your voice heard. How many of you actually pay attention to what your screaming child is saying? I would venture not many as we parents want our children to calm down and explain the problem so we can communicate together to create a resolution. This skill is something that will aid them in society in all the venues they will encounter. We even say things like "Use your words, not your hands" to keep children from acting out. In case anyone was curious language is also capable of abuse. It's sometimes the verbal abuse that cuts deeper than the physical, so why would the maker's of these videos think it would be beneficial to any child to learn that vulgar and abusive language has a place in civil society? Why would we not be RUNNING the other direction in an effort to give our children the skills necessary to communicate intelligently and with strength devoid of the gutter. It would seem obvious that if you spend time in the gutter foraging for answers you will unavoidably come out dirty. Why is that the desired outcome? I thought we were trying to make the world a BETTER place? I don't even want to consider the thoughts rolling through those little girls heads. I'm sure we can speculate both ways but ultimately they have learned that you do not have to rise above bad situations and that vulgarity is a tool that you can use when people are not listening the way you want them to. Don't strain you brain to come up with a solution that will enhance your listeners or even make them want to listen. Go straight to the gutter and start throwing mud because in the end getting attention at any cost is worth it......oh wait, maybe it's not.

In death I knew you

I recently learned of the death of a friend. She was a friend I knew from long ago but reconnected through Facebook. Our correspondence was little which didn't matter as we were the type of friends that could pick up right where we left off and feel like no time had passed. I have very few close friends but those that I consider kindred spirits seem to effortlessly fall into that category. We automatically know how each will react to any situation, and even though we live our lives quite differently there is a complete acceptance and connection that allows for unconditional love. I have read recently about the disconnect that occurs through today's social sites and the digital age as a whole. While I agree on most fronts that we as a society are sitting all alone in our isolated rooms trying desperately to connect to the world outside without putting the physical effort which only leads to feeling more isolated, I can't help but feel that Facebook did me a huge service. I too feel guilty for ever getting on even if only for a few minutes a day. I truly limit my time partly because of the social stigma but mostly because of the feeling of uselessness that begins from the moment I open the app. That being said, I would never have know of her passing had I not gotten curious as to why I hadn't seen a post for a bit. Every now and then my Spidey senses itch and I check on people to see if they are still part of my life. I say life because my words effect how people feel even if they are typed in a post. Their words effect how I feel and what I think about. I hear about struggles and pain and try with what ever kind words I can to comfort and lift. I see an injustice and react with outrage to allow for social change. I rejoice when I see the efforts be rewarded and people sharing their joy and my heart simply aches when my friend dies. There are those who complain about the perfect lives they view on Facebook and how fake it all seems, but I guess I have been blessed to have people who simply share the good, the bad and the ugly intermittently because that is what life is; ups and downs. I never feel that these people are putting on a show because my page is filled with real life happening in real time. Right now there are those struggling to find work, asking for prayers because a mother is sick, pleading for help to sell a home, celebrating their children's accomplishments, fighting to overcome sickness, thanking people for their thoughts, and being bored because they are home alone. My athletes are running marathons, my politicians are arguing the latest trend in the economy, my authors are plugging books, my mothers are birthing babes and my friend died.. I missed her before she went. I searched her out and found that she was gone.... So thanks for the service Facebook. We never would have reconnected to share the very short time she had left and I say thank you because she changed me for the better.